The Round Robin From Hell

Dear Insert Name here, friend or relative

Apologies for the standard letter but that’s the way it is

This year’s been eventful and the only way to tell

Is to send the same thing to a bunch of people you don’t know as well

This year we’ll raise a toast to our health

As it wrinkles up its toes and falls off the shelf

The cat got rabies, the dog got shot, the gerbil got cancer

And I owe my life to a liver transplant from someone called Samantha

On top of that I stubbed my toe as well

Yours sincerely lots of love the Round Robin from hell

At this time of year it’s good to have the care of your family

Although I’m only assuming this because no one likes me

My daughter fell in love with a cage fighter called Jim

I disapproved, he broke my arms and now she’s married him

My work was annoying me and then it went bust

My bank was annoying me and then it went bust

They spent my pension and pay off on some city guy’s bonus

Now I can’t afford to pay the bills and that’s why you can’t phone us

And then I turned drugs and I’m under their spell

Yours sincerely love and kisses the Round Robin from hell

I have to sign off now before they lock me in my cell

I’m in prison or maybe hospital to be honest I can’t tell

I’ve got a crazy feeling that I did something wrong

Like burning down my house for insurance, or just murdering a song

Gonna pay for it with my life and my death as well

All yours, with smiley emoticons, the Round Robin from hell.

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